When my husband and I started dating, he had delusions that he was romantic. He is not romantic. He’s thoughtful. What’s the difference? Mother’s day for a start. A romantic husband would’ve organised a celebration, perhaps breakfast in bed, a bunch of flowers, a card and gift, maybe even an outing somewhere. What did my husband organise? Nothing.
Now I know you’re thinking – surely he didn’t do anything! He will tell you that he didn’t plan anything, or buy me a card, because I told him last week he didn’t have to do anything… Aahhh, and this is where that wonderful ‘selective hearing’ comes in. I called him last week for two things – first to remind him it was mother’s day and second to tell him not to buy anything for his mother, or myself, because I already had the gifts taken care of. I was very clear. The gifts had been bought. ONLY the gifts. Yes, that’s right. I buy my own gifts. At first, when we started dating, I was terribly put off by the fact that if I didn’t by myself something, I wasn’t likely to get anything. Then my mother enlightened me to the up side of buying your own gifts. That’s right, my mother buys her own gifts too. And this year I really spoilt myself. I bought myself a necklace from Georg Jensen. Let’s just say ‘I earnt it’. It’s been a rough year with most of the year my husband working in Sydney, leaving me to ‘single mum’ it out by myself Monday to Friday. But, even though I recognise there are advantages to buying your own presents, I draw the line at buying my own card and planning my own celebration. That should be his responsibility.
So now you are quite possibly thinking, so how on earth could I consider him thoughtful? Well, while he might creatively interpret what I say, and while he is never going to remember anyone’s birthday let alone mine… He is very thoughtful. And it’s on days like Mother’s Day that I need to remember this. When the petrol gets low on my car, he’ll take it out and put petrol in it so I don’t have to. He’ll email me articles and things off Reddit that he thinks I will find interesting. He fixes my blog whenever I break it and he usually does it without any complaints. He does most of the driving. He makes me a coffee when I get up of a morning… And all these things he does without me needing to ask.
But don’t you worry I didn’t let him get away totally unscathed. Given it was mother’s day, I let him change all of our son’s dirty nappies. My son kindly gave him no less than four poo-filled nappies. My son. What a legend. I also let my husband put the children to bed… because really, it was the least he could do. Did I mention that I didn’t even get a card?
As much as I am (relatively) at peace with my lack of a mother’s day… I need to get in one last public dig of humiliation at my well-intentioned husband. On Friday, when he was out at the pub with his mates, he called to check that he didn’t have to buy me anything for mother’s day (obviously one of his mates had just clued in that he was supposed to be buying his wife something on behalf of their children). I reminded him I’d bought myself a gift, but suggested he stop buy Haigh’s, my favourite chocolate shop, because we can’t buy those chocolates where we live. He promptly reminded me that I was trying to lose weight so it wouldn’t be a good idea. Yes. He really said that. And yes, he didn’t realise how bad that was to say…
Now next year, when my husband claims that he is usually very good at planning things for me. You and I both know I will direct him back to this blog post… Just to remind him… and if you could all be so kind as to harass him around the end of November – because my birthday is the first week of December. That would be ever so kind and very much appreciated. But tell him not to worry about buying me a gift, I’m quite happy to take care of that. After all, I’m sure to get exactly what I want.
So if your husband/partner was a little remiss on Sunday, maybe cut him some slack and remember his other redeeming qualities. They have to be there… somewhere…
As I usually do, I’ve linked up with Jess for #ibot (I blog on Tuesday). Make sure you have a look at all the other great bloggers who’ve linked up this week.